A Big Expensive Wedding Day Just Doesn’t Make Sense

Arthur Lugauskas
5 min readJan 12, 2021

I want to say I’m zoomed out of the system. Maybe out of my mind. Or out of the mind of the popular vote. I don’t know. But thinking about it, it just doesn’t make sense to have a big wedding day which might cost $10,000 or more. Even $5,000 or more, way too much. Let’s think this through together though.

So, treat me like I don’t know much (which I don’t). Even down to what may be considered “common sense”, let’s say it’s not so common for me. Yes, maybe I’m like an alien who doesn’t know this world. Or maybe.. maybe I’m just woke. Nah, a little kid who doesn’t know anything. And who’s about to think like that. Starting from the basics.

The idea of marriage, where did it come from? What is marriage even about? What’s the point of getting married?

I’m guessing it’s a tradition of sorts to have a big wedding day. Not sure if this is just a thing in America or other parts of the world too. But it’s a thing. It’s glamorized on TV, right? In the magazines? The cost, the extravagance, the BIG DAY!

It’s almost like getting married in a big way is basic if you think about it. Common sense? Who doesn’t do it. And it’s even somehow become a fantasy for some people. I feel like I’ve heard stories of people dreaming about their wedding years in advance. Getting emotional about it. Even crying if it doesn’t come soon enough. And I just don’t understand. Call me ignorant if you will.

My take is that it just doesn’t make sense to have a big expensive wedding. Especially if two people have been in a relationship for less than 10 years. I mean a 10-year relationship is still very young. Sure in today’s day and age that might seem like a century. But it’s not, it’s a decade. By no means am I saying that is short, but it’s certainly not all that long.

Think about this. If two people met when they were in their 20s, how long do you think it would take for each person to really know the other? Probably 20something years, right? Well, that is if one person was talking about his or her past continuously without even living in the present. I don’t want to go deep into this example, so let me pretend that you understand. To really get to know someone you met who is over 1 or 2 decades old can take a long time if that’s all you did, got to know this person, and didn’t live your own life, have new experience with this person, et cetera.

What I think is more important than a wedding is two people genuinely wanting to be together. Trusting each other. Being there for one another because they want to. Because they choose to. Not because of a wedding or because they are married. What is important is love, real love. Care, real care.

Weddings are basically business in multiple ways. One is the costs involved in getting married if you decide to have a big wedding in a venue with a wedding planner, et cetera. That can cost upwards of $10–20k. Of course weddings can cost so much more than that. But generally I feel like many of the lower costing weddings fall into the $10–20k range. Not sure what is included in that number though. Is paying a wedding planner included? Benign a wedding planner is a business, right? Is a wedding dress included? Selling wedding dresses is a business, right? But now, apart from the wedding costs, as a couple who is married in one sense it’s basically a business relationship, with how the government treats it, taxes, et cetera, right?

But listen, the main reason I don’t think big weddings make sense is because if you zoom out of the picture, does it really make sense to spend thousands of dollars on a single day early on in a relationship? Even if a couple has been together for 10 years, which I think most people who get married have not, do they really want to be together in the long run? Will they be together in the future? Is a big wedding a form of guilt, pressure, commitment that may cause the relationship to change in the future? What is a wedding really about? If it’s about being together and in love forever, that shouldn’t come from pressure. Real togetherness is by choice. Not because of a contract or an expensive wedding or even a ring. It’s in the mind, invisible. But also incredibly visible in its own way.

Also, usually when people get married they don’t have a lot of money. They might even be in debt. Maybe early in their careers. Renting a place. And if that’s the case all this is even more of a reason to not have an expensive wedding. Instead use the money you’d put towards a wedding to buy a home. Or travel. I know, it’s called a “honeymoon”. Why? I don’t even like that term. I’m not sure I’m the fan of the word “vacation” either. Just go out into the world together and have experiences. I’m for that for any couple to do, married or not. Have multiple “honeymoons” per year. Travel and explore the world every year!

But let’s say there is simply a desire to spend a lot of money, bring family and friends together for the coming together of two people. Ugh, I didn’t even like writing that last sentence. But okay, it was written. If money is to be spent on this togetherness business of an event I’d say it would be better spent for an anniversary of maybe 10 years of marriage (considering you’ve known the person for years before you got married, got married for basically free, i.e. no “big day”, and have been happily together, and married, for 10 years)? Or maybe simply call it “15 years of togetherness”? 20? Something like that would be more worth celebrating instead of a couple who has been together for a few years and now is getting married. Don’t you think?

Arthur Lugauskas

What if I was just a figment, would that make my writing not real, instead imagined?